


Welcome to the Group Chat, Kid

by one_irrelevant_ghost



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers group chat, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Irondad, Mild Language, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Thor: Ragnarok (2017) Compliant, Oh, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective Natasha Romanov, Sassy Peter, So I made one, They cuss, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, and they tease steve, angst I guess?, bucky's technically here but the i immediately forgot about him whoops, but i might add more characters as we go, but it doesnt get heavy, duh - Freeform, group chat au, i just find this type of fic fun, im not including thor or loki just because i dont know how to write them, infinity war is not a thing obvi, mostly just light mentions of injury or past trauma, or at least attempted humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 03:21:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19098736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_irrelevant_ghost/pseuds/one_irrelevant_ghost
Summary: In an attempt to get the team to warm up to the new recruit, Spider-Man, Tony adds Peter into the Official Avengers Group Chat. It goes about as well as one would expect (Read: they all end up wrapped around his fingers just as much as Tony is).





	1. Welcome to the Group Chat

**Spider-Man:** Uh… what's this?

  
**Tony:** Welcome to the avengers group chat kid

  
**Spider-Man:**  holy shit are you forreal?

  
**Tony:**  Language

  
**Nat:** Language

  
**Clint:** Language

  
**Steve:** Seriously, guys?

  
**Sam:** I feel like im missing out on the joke here

  
**Sam:** but more importantly wth stark?? You really added the spider-kid to the chat?

  
**Spider-Man:** Obviously

  
**Tony:** Clearly

  
**Clint:** now there's two of them

  
**Clint:** hey, wait a sec, why's spidey the only one whose contact is his hero name

  
**Tony:** it's called a secret identity, birdbrain

  
**Tony:** he gets to choose if and when he wants to reveal himself to the rest of you idiots

  
**Spider-Man:**  thanks mr. stark.

  
**Spider-Man:**  and I'll totally tell you guys eventually, I just have my reasons for wanting to stay anonymous for now

  
**Spider-Man:**  and I mean, some of you are like actual spies and so you could figure out who I am anyway like mr. stark did but please don’t?

  
**Nat:**  We won't look.

  
**Clint:** aw

  
**Nat:** Clint

  
**Clint:** alright, alright, no snooping.

  
**Spider-Man:**  thank you :)

  
**Steve:** Can we ask you some questions, Spider-Man? Nothing too personal, and you can choose not to answer.

  
**Tony:** absolutely not.

  
**Tony:** no interrogating the kid

  
**Spider-Man:**  that's okay, mr. stark. It's only fair that they get to ask stuff.

  
**Sam:** How old are you?

  
**Spider-Man:**  plead the fifth

  
**Steve:** Fair enough. Why are you Spider-Man?

  
**Spider-Man:**  i don’t follow

  
**Steve:** Why be a vigilante? What drives you?

  
**Spider-Man:**  oh, I mean… it's just that I know I can help people and so I sort of have a responsibility to, yknow?

  
**Spider-Man:**  like, I can't just walk away from something bad when I know I could stop it. That makes me just as guilty as the person committing the crime.

  
**Barnes:** sounds familiar

  
**Spider-Man:**  ??

  
**Tony:** He means that you sound like a less eloquent version of captain righteous himself, kid

  
**Spider-Man:**  oh…sorry?

  
**Sam:** jfc

  
**Steve:** No need to be. You seem like you've got your head and heart in the right place.

  
**Spider-Man:**  oh. thanks :)

  
**Barnes:** hopefully you aren't as reckless as stevie used to be.

  
**Tony:** oh, he is. One hundred percent. I'm going to have a heart attack one of these days and you can all blame Spider-Man for it

  
**Clint:** thank him, you mean

  
**Tony:** thats cold, birdbrain.

  
**Tony:** you know you'd miss me

  
**Clint:**  doubt it

  
**Spider-Man:**  bold of you to assume I'll let you die, mr. stark

  
**Tony:** honestly I have no clue how to respond to that

  
**Tony:** thanks? I think?

  
**Spider-Man:**  ;D

  
**Barnes:** so you've got powers right? It's not just the suit?

  
**Spider-Man:**  mhm

  
**Spider-Man:** enhanced strength, speed, senses, etc

  
**Spider-Man:**  and I can like cling to pretty much anything

  
**Tony:** I'm well aware

  
**Spider-Man:**  not like that!

  
**Spider-Man:** and I'm not clingy

  
**Tony:** oh, really? Scroll up like three messages, spider-kid, you said so yourself 

  
**Spider-Man:**  mr. stark you know what I meant

  
**Clint:** maybe he did, but the rest of us don’t?

**Spider-Man:**  oh right, sorry

  
**Spider-Man:**  like I can stick to walls and the ceiling and stuff

  
**Spider-Man:**  and technically

  
**Spider-Man:**  I can stick to other things…like people

  
**Tony:** it feels like velcro, which is super freaky.

  
**Spider-Man:**  listen

  
**Sam:** what about the webs?

**Spider-Man:**  what about them?

  
**Sam:** you know exactly what. Do they come from you?

  
**Spider-Man:**  no, that's gross.

  
**Bruce:** So the webs are man-made?

  
**Tony:** of course, the first time you've answered the chat in months and it's because of spider-kid

  
**Tony:** I'm hurt brucie

  
**Spider-Man:**  !!!!!!!!! THE dr. bruce banner???

  
**Spider-Man:**  I mean

  
**Spider-Man:**  yeah

  
**Spider-Man:**  I came up with the chemical formula myself

  
**Clint:** uh-oh doc, you have a fan

  
**Tony:** yeah, you lot can't see the kid but he's practically vibrating in his seat

  
**Spider-Man:**  well duh, dr. banner's a genius and I've read like practically all of his science journals and his work is like so groundbreaking and w o w

  
**Bruce:** oh. thank you

  
**Clint:** wait spider-dude is with you right now??

  
**Tony:** Don’t bother

  
**Tony:** we're in the lab and FRIDAY'S got it locked down

  
**Clint:** he has to leave the lab eventually stark

  
**Spider-Man:**  psh, says who?

  
**Spider-Man:**  maybe I'll set up a web in the corner and live in the lab forever

  
**Tony:** or he'll leave out the window

  
**Tony:** in the suit

  
**Sam:** just to be clear, do you actually sleep in a web

  
**Spider-Man:**  lmao no.

**Spider-Man:** well one time. But it was more like a hammock made of webbing than like an actual spiderweb

  
**Tony:** it'd be way less freaky if you did spin a web

  
**Tony:** I can't tell you how much it creeps me out to find you asleep on the ceiling above my head

  
**Sam:** what the actual fukc

  
**Steve:** Language.

  
**Spider-Man:**  look

  
**Spider-Man:** that was one time

  
**Tony:** four

  
**Tony:** four separate heart attacks. I keep expecting you to fall and break your neck.

  
**Tony:** and let's not even mention the time you thought that crawling on the ceiling in the middle of the night in a pitch black room was a good idea

  
**Spider-Man:**  look

  
**Spider-Man:**  the light hurt my eyes so I left it off

  
**Spider-Man:**  and there's no furniture for me to run into on the ceiling

  
**Spider-Man:**  it's not my fault you have some sort of lasting trauma from the exorcist.

  
**Tony:** wow you really just betrayed me like that

  
**Tony:** maybe I'll just mention the fact that you have the full set of avengers merch

  
**Tony:** t-shirts

  
**Tony:** socks

**Tony:** bedsheets

  
**Spider-Man:** MR STARK

  
**Tony:** alright alright

  
**Tony:** geez kid stop glaring at me

**Spider-Man:** don't call me out through text mr. stark

  
**Spider-Man:**  you're literally looking right at me while you text me that's so weird

  
**Tony:** you're doing it too

  
**Spider-Man:**  …

  
**Spider-Man:**  touche

  
**Sam:** wtf

  
**Clint:** ditto

  
**Spider-Man:**  ???

  
**Steve:** Wait, Tony… Is Spider-Man your son?

  
**Spider-Man:**  ????????

  
**Tony:** unfortunately not

  
**Spider-Man:**  !!!!!!!

  
**Clint:** that…was shockingly sappy for a two word response.

  
**Clint:** who are you and what have you done with tony

  
**Sam:** more like what has spidey done with tony

  
**Clint:** turned him into a total dad, that's what


	2. Chapter 2

**Spider-Man:**  heeyyy mr. stark. not urgent, but kinda time-sensitive

 **Spider-Man:**  you know that credit card you gave me for like emergencies and stuff

 **Tony:** the one you've had for months and have yet to use, because i somehow ended up with the world's most mature mentee

 **Spider-Man:**  thats the one...

 **Clint:** mentee is a weird way to spell son

 **Spider-Man:**  i found this cat and it was being beat up by some assholes but it doesn't look like its a stray, or at least not for very long so i want to bring her to the vet to get her taken care of and see if she's chipped

 **Spider-Man:** but ive never had a pet and i dont know how much a vet costs and im kinda perpetually broke so is it okay if i use the card for that

 **Tony:** kid you really dont have to ask

 **Tony:** yeah, its fine. you could literally bring every stray you find to the vet with that card, idc

 **Spider-Man:**  omg thank you. the cat says thanks too.

 **Clint:** you've never had a pet before?

 **Spider-Man:** nah. i live in an apartment, no space for a pet even if i could have one

 **Clint:** you know where there is plenty of space?

 **Tony:** barton dont you dare

 **Clint:** at the compound.

 **Tony:** absolutely not.

 **Spider-Man:**! he's ! right !

 **Spider-Man:** mr stark can we get a dog??? pretty please???

 **Tony:** no. i have enough on my plate babysitting you, i dont have time for a pet

 **Clint:** hey, give the rest of us a little credit stark. im sure we could handle a dog.

 **Spider-Man:** or a cat even! we could name it t'challa!

 **Tony:** as funny as that would be, no

 **Spider-Man:** it'd be like the avengers' mascot mr stark

 **Clint:** yeah!

 **Tony:** you two are insufferable, and no. 

 **Spider-Man:** thats not very cash money of you mr stark :(

 **Tony:** i dont even know what that means

 **Clint:** me either but i agree with webs anyway. 

 **Tony:** whatever

 **Tony:** are you coming over later to help me with these repulsors or not kid

 **Spider-Man:** what?!! you're gonna let me work on the actual armor???? 

 **Spider-Man:** alkjdfal; hell yeah

 **Spider-Man:** i'll head there as soon as im done here

 **Spider-Man:** im kinda surprised, the vet didnt even blink when i showed up in the suit with a cat

 **Tony:** thats because youre on the news every week, rescuing another cat in a tree or puppy in a drain

 **Tony:** its sickeningly wholesome

 **Clint:** ya

 **Clint:** hey why do you bother with a secret identity anyway when you mostly just save strays or help old ladies across the streets like a glorified boy scout?

 **Tony:** thats not all he does birdbrain. 

 **Tony:** he took down an entire drug ring operating in queens last week and deals with bank robbers and muggers on the regular. 

 **Tony:** so lay off 

 **Clint:** whoa i wasnt trying to be rude

 **Clint:** i was mostly teasing, but i really am curious about the whole secret identity thing

 **Spider-Man:** last year i took down a guy who was dealing alien weapons. he figured out who i was and threatened to kill my family. id die before i let anything happen to her, so, yeah. hence the mask. 

 **Clint:** protecting your loved ones. i get it. 

 **Spider-Man:** exactly

 **Spider-Man:** also thanks mr stark

 **Tony:** np kid. you do a lot of good, yknow. dont forget that

 **Spider-Man:** i--yeah, thanks 

 **Spider-Man:** :)

 **Spider-Man:** oh hey good news, the cat had a chip! the vet called the owners and theyre gonna come pick her up, so im omw over

 **Tony:** be careful

 **Spider-Man:** always am

 **Tony:** no, you literally arent. ive seen the baby monitor footage.

 **Spider-Man:** its fine, im a pro at this

 **Tony:** sure. just dont fall, kid. you're the only spider i dont want to see squished

 **Spider-Man:** lol love you too mr stark 

* * *

 

 **Tony:** hey rhodey

 **Tony:** rhodey-bear

 **Tony:** rhodes

 **Rhodey:** what tony

 **Tony:** platypus

 **Tony:** oh good you answered

 **Tony:** come down to the lab

 **Rhodey:** what, right now?

 **Tony:** duh

 **Rhodey:** tones i literally just sat down

 **Tony:** spider-kid's stuck and i need help unsticking him

 **Tony:** also its really funny so itll be worth it i promise

 **Rhodey:** stuck how?

 **Tony:** its...complicated, but lets just say he may have webbed himself to my armor.

 **Tony:** while im wearing it. kid's really glued on there, and i cant get out of the suit because of it. 

 **Rhodey:** sounds hilarious. i'll help if you let friday send me the video

 **Tony:** deal. come fix this before the kid dies of embarrassment on me. 

 **Rhodey:** omw

* * *

 

 **Tony:** wait platypus come back

 **Rhodey:** no

 **Tony:** you said you'd help

 **Tony:** i look like ive got a human-sized tumor and the webs wont dissolve for another two hours

 **Rhodey:** oh, i was going to help, until i got down there and saw exactly who spidey is. 

 **Clint:** wait rhodes got to see spidey? no fair

 **Tony:** you already met him!

 **Tony:** i introduced you to him weeks ago, remember? 

 **Rhodey:** i thought he was your son, tony! you didnt tell me he was spider-man!

 **Tony:** why would you think he's my kid??? 

 **Rhodey:** because you called him 'my kid'! tony! you spent ten minutes interrogating him about his grades and about if some other was kid harassing him! you never said he was a goddamn vigilante! how the hell was i supposed to connect the dots?

 **Sam:** wait wait back it up

 **Rhodey:** oh shit

 **Sam:** spider-man is still in school??

 **Rhodey:** that's my bad

 **Rhodey:** i forgot we were in the group chat

 **Tony:** sigh

 **Tony:** yes, spidey is still in school. no, i wont tell you what grade or where. yes, he is at the top of his class because he's a genius.

 **Rhodey:** see, thats what i mean! you literally brag about him to me all the time

 **Rhodey:** how could i not think you were his dad, tones?

 **Tony:** i'm his mentor, rhodes. that's it.

 **Sam:** he's awful involved for just a mentor, huh?

 **Clint:** men(dad)tor

 **Tony:** that didnt make sense. 

 **Tony:** also rhodey i'll forgive you for this if you come back and help us get unstuck

 **Rhodey:** omw...again.

* * *

 

 **Sam:** so, Spider-Man's an actual kid, huh?

 **Sam:** ngl, i was really hoping that was just a term of endearment and that i didn't get my ass kicked by a literal child

 **Clint:** yup. high schooler, right? 

 **Steve:** That is...Very young, to be doing what we do. 

 **Steve:** And definitely too young to be fighting super-soldiers in a battle that was never his own.

 **Tony:** how is it that i can feel your disappointed eyebrows from here?

 **Barnes:** the kid catches cars with his bare hands, Steve. he can hold his own

 **Steve:** Bucky.

 **Barnes:** steve

 **Tony:** for what it's worth, i regret bringing him to germany, even though i dont regret meeting him. 

 **Clint:** is that emotion i see, stark?

 **Tony:** no

 **Sam:** its okay to admit that you care about the spider-punk

 **Spider-Man:** yeah, mr stark, admit you care about me

 **Tony:** i take it all back. 

 **Spider-Man:** suuuure

 **Spider-Man:** for what it's worth, i'm glad i met you too mr stark

 **Spider-Man:** and not just cuz id probably be dead by now if i didnt

 **Tony:** dont say things like that, kid

 **Spider-Man:** why not? it's true. 

 **Tony:** just dont

 **Tony:** also can you swing by before you go on patrol tomorrow? 

 **Spider-Man:** yeah, everything okay?

 **Tony:** yeah, just wanna update the suit's protocols real quick

 **Spider-Man:** more training wheels?

 **Tony:** something like that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony 1000% offered to let peter work on the repulsors because he felt bad for saying no to a dog send tweet


	3. Chapter 3

**Spider-Man:**  heeeyyyyy mr stark is there any way you could maybe pick me up

 **Spider-Man:**  like asap

 **Tony:** …why?

 **Tony:** Im on my way but answer the question

 **Spider-Man:**  um

 **Spider-Man:**  well

 **Spider-Man:**  I may have gotten stabbed last night…and then went home and fixed it up by myself…and maybe this kid pushed me into the lockers and I busted the stitches and am bleeding all over the place

 **Spider-Man:**  and I kinda feel like I might pass out but I can't go to the nurse's office because, yknow, I got stabbed

 **Tony:** …

 **Bruce:** I'll be waiting in the medbay for when you two get back

 **Tony:** thanks brucie

 **Tony:** KID. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

 **Tony:** I thought we got past this. You promised to come by whenever you get hurt so we can make sure you don’t, I don't know, DIE

 **Spider-Man:**  Ik, ik, I'm sorry. I'm still just used to doing all this on my own, I guess

 **Spider-Man:**  look you can lecture me all you want but please just hurry up

 **Tony:** im almost there

 **Tony:** you're lucky you're bleeding out right now or else I'd take my time

 **Spider-Man:**  im not really bleeding out

 **Spider-Man:**  just enough that it's kinda obvious through my shirt. And it hurts. A lot

 **Spider-Man:**  but you can't really help with that

 **Bruce:** why not?

 **Spider-Man:**  oh, enhanced metabolism

 **Spider-Man:**  I have to eat so much, can't get drunk, medicines don’t work, etc, etc

 **Bruce:** that must be rough for an active vigilante

 **Spider-Man:**  yeah it sucks

 **Spider-Man:**  but I mean, still worth

 **Tony:** parked outside. Do I need to come in and get you?

 **Spider-Man:**  no, im omw

 **Tony:** wait, how do you know you can't get drunk

 **Spider-Man:**  it was for science, mr. stark

 **Spider-Man:** science

 **Tony:** im having a heart attack

 **Tony:** you're literally killing me kid

 **Spider-Man:** uh...i'm sorry?

 **Spider-Man:** im out front where are you parked

 **Spider-Man:** oh nvm i see you

 **Bruce:** how bad does it look, tony?

 **Spider-Man:** it's not that bad

 **Bruce:** no offense, but given that you thought patching yourself up at home was a good idea, i'm going to let tony be the judge of how bad it is

 **Spider-Man:** no fair. besides, its not like this is the first time i've had to give myself stitches

 **Tony:** the kid's right this time, his healing factor's clearly working and it's not infected, but i'll still feel better once you've taken a look bruce

 **Tony:** kid. do you wanna repeat that?

 **Spider-Man:** uh...no? 

 **Tony:** wrong answer. 

 **Spider-Man:** i mean, it hasn't really happened since homecoming since the suit gives you injury reports so its no big deal mr. stark

 **Tony:** this is my cosmic punishment, right? my penance for all the times i didnt ask rhodey or pepper for help?

 **Rhodey:** damn straight it is

 **Rhodey:** you okay, kid?

 **Spider-Man:** yeah im good, mr. stark is just overreacting really

 **Rhodey:** you got stabbed, bud. i'd say he's worrying the right amount

 **Tony:** thank you!

 **Tony:** also, why the hell didn't your suit tell me you got hurt last night?

 **Spider-Man:** uh... i plead the fifth

 **Tony:**...

 **Spider-Man:** stop looking at me like that!

 **Tony:** im counting to ten. 

 **Sam:** im getting the distinct impression that he's only texting so he doesn't start screaming. id answer, spidey

 **Spider-Man:** i didn't hack it again! i just sorta made a deal with karen and then didn't follow through with it

 **Tony:** that's it. im upgrading everything. no bargaining with the AI allowed. 

 **Tony:** when are you going to learn to just come to me when you get hurt? 

 **Tony:** did i do something to discourage you from just telling me?

 **Spider-Man:** no! no, you haven't done anything wrong

 **Spider-Man:** its just...idk. 

 **Spider-Man:** can we talk about it later? after we've seen dr. banner? i dont really wanna air this out in front of everyone in the group chat i guess

 **Tony:** fine. but only because i can see your puppy dog eyes rn. 

 **Tony:** we are talking about this though.

 **Spider-Man:** yeah, okay

 **Tony:** eta 5 minutes, bruce


	4. Chapter 4

**Spider-Man:** is anyone awake rn?

 **Spider-Man:**  I have a totally hypothetical but really urgent question

 **Nat:** I'm up

 **Nat:** shouldn't you be asleep?

 **Spider-Man:**  probably

 **Spider-Man:**  but look, if I were to dislocate my shoulder, what would be the best way to pop it back into place?

 **Nat:** I'd recommend coming by to see bruce, or going to urgent care

 **Spider-Man:**  no way. My aunt's a nurse at the nearest clinic and there's no way she can know about this

 **Spider-Man:**  please, I need to fix it before my healing factor does something wonky

 **Nat:** wonky?

 **Nat:** also grab the wrist of your injured arm and pull it straight forward until it pops back in place

 **Spider-Man:**  omg thank you

 **Nat:** don't mention it

 **Nat:** you do know that google exists though?

 **Spider-Man:**  yeah duh

 **Spider-Man:**  I kinda just

 **Spider-Man:**  idk

 **Spider-Man:**  didn't want to be alone? Which is lame and I know im still technically alone rn but I feel better talking to people when I'm hurt

 **Nat:** that's okay. The shoulder isn't your only problem, is it?

 **Spider-Man:**  no, but my healing factor will take care of the rest

 **Spider-Man:**  it just really, really hurts.

 **Nat:** wanna tell me what happened?

 **Spider-Man:** not really

 **Spider-Man:**  hey, we're both spider themed

 **Nat:** yeah, I guess we are

 **Nat:** you took it a bit more literally

 **Spider-Man:**  yeah. The webs were an aesthetic choice that I definitely don’t regret

 **Nat:** I like it

 **Spider-Man:** :D !!!

 **Nat:** you know tony's gonna freak out when he sees this later, right?

 **Spider-Man:**  yeah...

 **Nat:** why won't you just come by when you get hurt?

 **Nat:** we've all had to get patched up more than a few times, so you'd be in good company

 **Spider-Man:**  ik, ik

 **Spider-Man:**  i just... i started being spider-man way before I met mr. stark, and so i had to teach myself a lot, including how to fix myself up from the minor stuff.

 **Nat:** but you've known tony for a while now. since germany

 **Spider-Man:**  yeah but it was kinda radio silent for a while there and i got right back to doing things on my own

 **Spider-Man:** and i was still trying to impress him i guess, so i didn't mention injuries in my reports

 **Spider-Man:**  and then i was kinda bitter after the vulture thing i guess and thats the worst ive ever been hurt, but i went home and i stitched myself up and let my healing factor take care of the rest

 **Spider-Man:** idk. Im not saying this is mr starks fault though because he would totally think that! i just mean that i know i can take care of myself for the most part now but i would totally come by if i couldnt handle something

 **Nat:** would you?

 **Spider-Man:**  yeah? contrary to popular belief, i dont actually want to die fam

 **Spider-Man:**  i couldn't do that to may

 **Nat:** may?

 **Spider-Man:**  ignore that.

 **Spider-Man:**  please

 **Nat:** no worries

 **Spider-Man:**  thanks nat

 **Spider-Man:**  for that and for talking to me. i should probably try to sleep now, im probably already in so much trouble for patrolling past curfew.

 **Nat:**  sweet dreams, little spider

 **Spider-Man:**  unlikely

 **Spider-Man:** g'night nat

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Spider-Man:**  heads up everybody

**Spider-Man:**  im currently on the ceiling in the living room

**Spider-Man:**  so if any of you are awake and planning to pass through the living room/kitchen, be warned

**Sam:** oh, now you warn us

**Spider-Man:**  look

**Sam:** dude, you almost killed me.

**Sam:** i almost died.

**Spider-Man:** but you didnt

**Spider-Man:** also, friday recorded the whole thing and i want you to know that i'm setting your shriek as my ringtone. I cant believe you didnt wake everyone up

**Sam:** i hate you

**Spider-Man:** :O

**Spider-Man:** well now i'm setting it as everybody's ringtone

**Sam:** you cant do that

**Spider-Man:** try me bicth

**Spider-Man:** i can hack everyones phone here, except maybe mr starks.

**Spider-Man:** wait no i got into mr starks phone soooo

**Sam:** thatd be impressive if it wasnt totally illegal and shit

**Spider-Man:** dude im literally a vigilante. this is like the least illegal thing i've done all day

**Sam:** yeah i forgot, thought you were just a brat

**Spider-Man:** that too

* * *

 

**Tony:** why

**Tony:** the everloving fuck

**Tony:** did my phone just scream at me

**Spider-Man:** asja;kjsdf

**Sam:** your kid is a menace stark

**Tony:** on one hand, kiddo, we gotta talk about how you shouldnt hack my phone

**Tony:** on the other hand im extremely proud and sam screaming like a child is the funniest shit ive heard

**Spider-Man:** :DDD

**Clint:** i want to be mad that i woke up to sam screaming but starks right and thats hilarious

**Clint:** also kid, we gotta team up. i scare people from the vents and you get them from the ceiling

**Spider-Man:** dream team

**Clint:** exactly

**Steve:** Spider-Man, could you change my ringtone back please?

**Spider-Man:**  yeah sorry

**Spider-Man:**  there, all fixed

**Steve:** Thank you

**Steve:** Also, did you do the same thing to Bucky's phone?

**Spider-Man:**  nah

**Spider-Man:**  i wasnt sure if hed be okay, yknw? and it wasnt worth risking his health for a prank

**Steve:** That's very considerate of you.

**Spider-Man:**  nat's safe too but thats because i dont wanna die atm

**Sam:** are you implying that there are other times where you do wanna die

**Spider-Man:** ;)

**Sam:** thats not a great answer kid

**Spider-Man:** ; )

**Spider-Man:** nah seriously dw about me

**Tony:** too late kiddo

**Spider-Man:** mr stark you're always worrying about me. im fine

**Tony:** yeah, see, everytime that you say youre fine, youre actually not. Without fail. 

**Tony:** besides, you give me a lot of reasons to worry bud, between the martyr complex and the have-to-save-everyone complex and basically all your complexes

**Spider-Man:**  i dont have ... complexes.

**Tony:** yeah you do

**Nat:** yeah

**Rhodey:**  yup

**Sam:** complexes, huh?

**Sam:** you know if you ever need to talk kid...

**Spider-Man:** dude you literally just called me a menace

**Sam:** oh you definitely are

**Sam:** but youre our menace now

**Spider-Man:**  that was so sappy

**Spider-Man:**  ily2

**Sam:** i take everything back dont ever talk to me again

**Spider-Man:**  :((

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Spider-Man:**  hey nat pretty please i need a favor

**Spider-Man:**   its really important to me or i wouldnt ask i promise

**Nat:** need me to kill someone?

**Spider-Man:**  tempting but no

**Spider-Man:**   i know this is a lot to ask but i trust you and i know youre a total badass and i was just kinda hoping youd teach my aunt to defend herself?

**Spider-Man:**   and i know that this means ive got to tell you who i am and also introduce you to the actual most important person in my life and that's okay b/c like i said i trust you

**Spider-Man:**   please please please

**Nat:** you had me at hey nat

**Nat:** also im honored that you would trust me with this, but can i ask why

**Spider-Man:**   shes a nurse and she works really late sometimes and she always walks back to our apartment adn its usually okay bc i follow her as spider-man and make sure she get back okay but last night some assholes attacked her and i maybe broke their noses and i kinda felt bad but she's the only family i have left and what if i wasnt there yknow? i was just so scared and id feel better if i knew she had at least some way to defend herself from assholes like that 

**Nat** : she's lucky to have you **  
**

**Spider-Man:**  im lucky to have her. she's not even related to me, yknow? but she loves me so much and she raised me and she does everything for me. i dont know what id do if i lost her. **  
**

**Nat:** when is she free? 

**Spider-Man:** her schedule changes a lot but she's got tuesday and friday off this week.

**Nat:** that works. are you comfortable with her coming to the compound or would you rather i find a gym in queens?

**Spider-Man:**  idk. i dont really want anyone to see her going into the compound and getting suspicious but if you think that'll be okay...

**Nat:** i'll make sure no one sees her. you come to work with tony on fridays, right?

**Spider-Man:**  how'd you know?

**Nat:** I pay attention. get happy to pick her up as well and bring her in the same way you do. I'll meet her outside tony's lab and bring her to the gym

**Nat:** i'll also make sure none of the others get nosy and try to interrupt our training session 

**Spider-Man:** thank you so much

**Spider-Man:** this really means a lot to me, i owe you big time. 

**Nat:** you dont owe me a thing, little spider. 

**Spider-Man:** <3 

**Nat:** <3

* * *

 

**Spider-Man:** no one panic

**Spider-Man:** it was a controlled explosion, nothing to be concerned with. 

**Tony:** what spidey means to say is, he blew up half my lab

**Spider-Man:** i did not

**Spider-Man:** don't be so dramatic, mr. stark

**Tony:** okay, fine. what spidey means to say is, he blew up a quarter of my lab.

**Tony:** better? 

**Spider-Man:** much.

**Rhodey:** what happened? 

**Bruce:** are you guys okay? should i get the medbay ready? 

**Rhodey:** do i need to call pepper?

**Tony:** no, none of that. we're fine

**Tony** : just my dumbass kid looked at the formula for his web fluid, then asked me if i thought he could modify the web grenade formula to make explosive webbing. 

**Spider-Man:**  the answer was yes

**Tony:** and then proceeded to cause an explosion.

**Spider-Man:**  in my defense, you didn't stop me. 

**Clint:** so you admit he's your kid

**Rhodey:** and you didn't stop him from testing his explosive web theory? 

**Tony:** i told him to be careful!

**Spider-Man:**  and he made me put on safety goggles. 

**Rhodey:** Suddenly i understand why pepper told me to avoid the lab on fridays

**Bruce:** Yeah, that all tracks. That's probably why she told me to avoid them as well. 

**Spider-Man:**  that's fair. i promise i only blow things up occasionally.

**Tony:** it's true. kid's actually better at lab safety than me.

**Rhodey:** you set the bar pretty low, tones

**Tony:** i resent that.

**Rhodey:** and i resent the time you didnt tell me you were dying. looks like we're all bitter. 

**Spider-Man:**  what???

**Steve:** What?

**Tony:** old news, kiddo. I was dying, then i wasn't. everything's okay now. 

**Tony:** i can't believe that you're still holding grudge, rhodey-bear

**Rhodey:** yeah you can

**Tony:** yeah i can

**Rhodey:** you're insufferable. love you, tones.

**Tony:** yeah yeah yeah ditto 

* * *

 

**Spider-Man:** 'sup guys? 

**Spider-Man:** i'm bored.

**Spider-Man:**  helloooo

**Clint:** sup spidey

**Spider-Man:**  i'm so bored

**Clint:** aren't you like, in school or something?

**Spider-Man:** ya

**Spider-Man:**  why do you think im so bored?

**Clint:** touche.

**Clint:**  y'know, it feels weird to to only call you spider-man

**Clint:** well, and spidey

**Rhodey:** and spider-kid

**Sam:**  don't forget spider-punk

**Clint:** webs

**Tony:**  spiderling

**Bruce:**  arachnikid

**Nat:**  little spider

**Spider-Man:**  ffs just call me peter

**Clint:** :O

**Spider-Man** **\-- > Peter**

**Peter:** pete, spidey, and webs are also acceptable. petey and all the rest, absolutely not

**Tony:** about time

**Tony:** i had to get friday to autocorrect it everytime i accidentally used your name

**Peter:** lies. you dont use my name

**Peter:** im pretty sure you think my name is just 'kid' at this point

**Tony:** wait, you mean it isn't?

**Peter:** ha-ha. 

**Tony:** i'll call you peter more often if you drop the mr. stark bs and call me tony

**Peter:** never

**Tony:** your call, kid. 

**Peter:** i was taught to respect elders, mr. stark.

**Tony:** im going to pretend like you didn't just call me old

**Peter:** idk what youre talking about, mr. stark. im just stating facts.

**Clint:** not to interrupt but are we just ignoring the fact that peter told us his name??

**Sam:** are we gonna get to actually meet you now? 

**Peter:** maybe. 

**Peter:** i mean, i don't really see why not. you already know that im young and my name, and i trust you guys to keep it secret anyway. 

**Steve:** We could have a team dinner this week, to officially introduce you to the team.

**Peter:** that sounds really great, actually. 

**Tony:** we'll do it when you come over tomorrow

**Peter:** awesome possum

**Peter:** oops, busted. gotta go.

**Tony:** bye kid. pay attention!

**Clint:** bye peter!

**Sam:** later punk


	7. Chapter 7

**Peter:** hey mr stark i have a problem

 **Tony:** what's wrong

 **Tony:** are you hurt?

 **Tony:** why are you wearing the suit, you should be in school rn?

 **Peter:** relax mr stark

 **Peter:** im in class. im wearing the suit because i need the heater.

 **Tony:** kid it's not even winter yet

 **Peter:** i know that

 **Peter:** fun fact: spiders can't thermoregulate

 **Tony:** i--

 **Tony:** youre telling me that you cant thermoregulate

 **Peter:** well i mean, i can...just not really well

 **Peter:** i noticed that i get cold more easily since the bite and that its so hard to warm up again but it didnt seem like a big deal until that cold snap this weekend

 **Peter:** and like its probably not a big deal but like i read that some spiders go into hibernation and others just die and thats kinda worrying me just a little bit

 **Tony:** okay

 **Tony:** ill talk to bruce and see if we can do something about the thermoreg issue

 **Tony:** until then, happy's gonna pick you up today. 

**Peter:** wait why?

 **Tony:** because im already working on heated underclothes and itll be done by the time youre out

 **Peter:** thank you so much but you dont have to like rush or anything ik youre probably really busy

 **Tony:** pete the fact that you told me about this-- which im very proud of you for, btw-- means that its a big issue for you

 **Tony:** which makes it a big issue to me. besides im never too busy for you, you should know this by now

 **Tony:** also ill actually have a heart attack if you go into hibernation so lets try to avoid that, yes?

 **Peter:** thanks mr stark 

**Tony:** its literally no problem kid

* * *

 

 **Bruce:** hey pete come by my lab when youre here later so i can get some dna samples from you

 **Peter:** only if you promise not to clone me

 **Bruce:** i probably wouldnt do that

 **Tony:** i dont think the world can handle another you, kid

 **Peter:** then again, having two spider-mans--spider-men?-- would be hella useful

 **Peter:** plus fake-me can patrol while im in school and rest when im not

 **Peter:** itd be perfect

 **Tony:** unless fake-you turned out to be evil

 **Peter:** gasp

 **Bruce:** im not sure its possible for any version of peter to be evil

 **Peter:** idk man some days its iffy

 **Tony:** iffy

 **Peter:** thas what i said

 **Tony:** ookay

 **Tony:** but let's face it, kiddo, bruce is right. there isn't an evil bone in your body, and it's basically impossible that a clone of you would be anything other than frustratingly good.

 **Peter:** i

 **Peter:** thanks, mr. stark. er, i think? 

* * *

 

 **Peter:** hey so uhhhhh

 **Peter:** i've got a web set up on the communal floor so like

 **Peter:** try not to break it please? im running a test

 **Steve:** What sort of test?

 **Peter:** well you know how spiders feel vibrations through their webs? i kinda wanted to see if i could something similiar with my enhanced senses and all

 **Bruce:** interesting

 **Bruce:** can you?

 **Peter:** nat just came out of the elevator and is headed my way

 **Peter:** you just walked into the kitchen

 **Peter:** and Clint just broke my web in the hallway

 **Peter:** am i right?

 **Nat:** yup

 **Bruce:** yes, actually

 **Clint:** sorryy

 **Peter:** its fine. not like i warned you about the webs so you wouldnt break them~~

 **Clint:** :(

 **Peter:** im jk it's really nbd. Its probably all about to dissolve anyway. 

**Bruce:** dissolve?

 **Peter:** yea. my normal webs dissolve after about two hours, but these are a lot thinner and less adhesive and they've already been up for like half an hour now so i dont think they'll last much longer.

 **Bruce:** would you mind coming by the lab later? i havent gotten the chance to see your webbing up close yet but its already very impressive

 **Peter:** um yeah!!! that'd be awesome!

 **Tony:** 1, dont steal my intern

 **Tony:** 2, kid, we talked about webbing in the compound. it freaks pepper out

 **Peter:** pepper's here?! i thought she wasnt supposed to get back til tomorrow

 **Tony:** one of the board directors had an emergency and the meeting got cut short. youre lucky she's still asleep or we'd both get chewed out for this

 **Peter:** :D!!! thats awesome, i thought i wouldnt get to see her until next week!!!

 **Peter:** ill get the webs down mr stark

 **Rhodey:** careful tones. between bruce and pepper, you might not be the kids favorite for long

 **Tony:** Blasphemy. im his favorite or he's grounded.

 **Peter:** what-- 

**Bruce:** im not trying to steal your intern

 **Bruce:** but i should point out that he is an aspiring biochemist, and i just so happen to have a phD in biochemistry and bioorganic chemistry. just saying

 **Clint:** fight fight fight fight

 **Tony:** nobodys fighting. id win though

 **Sam:** against the hulk?

 **Rhodey:** you really wouldnt

 **Peter:** guys

 **Peter:** im flattered and all but chill

 **Clint:** no nono now you gotta tell us who your favorite is

 **Peter:** would you believe me if i said i didnt have a favorite?

 **Clint:** nope

 **Sam:** no

 **Rhodey:** no

 **Tony:** no

 **Peter:** okay look

 **Peter:** its true that im more into chemistry than engineering even though i enjoy both, and that dr banner has pretty much always been one of my idols and getting to science with him would be a literal dream come true

 **Peter:** so that makes him my favorite scientist, i guess

 **Peter:** but!!

 **Peter:** mr stark is and always will be my Favorite, yknow? its like-- idk. hes my favorite inventor, duh, but moreover he's honestly the best mentor i could ever have for like so many reasons? idk idk i have a lot of feels but like, mr stark you dont have to worry.

 **Sam:** just say he's your basically your dad and move on

 **Peter:** im just trying to say that im on mr starks side always, but that doesnt mean i like anyone else less? does that make sense? 

**Rhodey:** you enjoy everyone's company for a different reason and only hold tony above the rest because you have an emotional connection to him. 

**Peter:** yes, yeah, exactly! 

**Rhodey:** we should probably go check on tones. twenty bucks says hes holding back tears at you confirming that hes your capital-f Favorite

 **Tony:** i already knew that. duh. 

**Rhodey:** lies. 

**Peter:** gotta get these webs down first-- pepper scares me more than anyone else here

 **Nat:** including me?

 **Peter:** ...no comment

 **Nat:** peter

 **Peter:** Peter can't come the to phone right now, please leave a message after the beep

 **Nat:** Peter.

 **Peter:** listen id say you, may, and pepper all scare me about equally for the sole reason of i trust you not to stab me. 

**Nat:** i can live with that :)

 **Peter:** i've never seen an emoji look so menacing before

 **Nat:** : )

 **Tony:** can you imagine pep, may, and nat all in the same room? 

 **Peter:** you'd be dead

 **Tony:** why would i be dead? what about you?

 **Peter:** mr. stark, what you fail to understand

 **Peter:** is that i'm baby

 **Tony:** what?

 **Nat:** he's baby.

 **Peter:** :P

 **Tony:** i dont understand. is this what cap feels like all the time? 

 **Sam:** oh, definitely.

 **Peter:** you guys, nat knows memes. god hasnt abandoned us yet

 **Tony:** i--okay. 

 **Tony:** come down to the lab when you've remembered how to makes sense, kid. We've got to make a plan on how to prevent me getting murdered by the three scariest women ive ever met

 **Peter:** oh, worm. be down in a bit. 

 **Tony:** on second thought, let them kill me. 

 **Peter:** lmao same. 

 **Tony:** peter no

 **Peter:** ;D

 **Peter:** peter yes


	8. Chapter 8

**Karen:** I'd like to inform you that Peter is patrolling while dangerously sleep deprived.

 **Karen:** He insisted that I not call you on the condition that he return home now; however, I am concerned that he cannot make it safely home in this condition. I believe this can be called a loophole.

 **Peter:** karen you snitch

 **Tony:** kid stop where ever you are. im coming to get you.

 **Peter:** im really fine, she's just overreacting

 **Sam:** who the hell is karen?

 **Karen:** Hello, I'm Peter's AI! And Peter has slept approximately four hours in the past three days, so I believe my concern is warranted.

 **Tony:** as do i. your aunt home, kid?

 **Peter:** no

 **Tony:** youre coming to the compound then.

 **P** **eter:** mr stark you dont have to come out here. im really fine

 **Tony:** first of all, you clearly arent. Second, we're going to have a talk about why you arent sleeping, but only after youve gotten your ass back here and slept for at least eight full hours. preferably longer.

 **Tony:** dont bother arguing. im five minutes out.

 **Peter:** mr stark i know for a fact that youve gone longer without sleep than i have, why are you making such a big deal out of this

 **Tony:** because you arent me, peter! and im damn sure going to make sure you never become me-- starting with fixing your sleep schedule.

 **Tony:** okay i see you now. can you handle the flight back or do i need to call happy to pick us up?

 **Peter:** ...flyings fine **  
**

* * *

 

 **Sam:** so uh,,,did anyone else see stark go into dad mode or was that just me

 **Clint:** nope, caught that

 **Clint:** are we even surprised at this point?

 **Sam:** nah. 

 **Rhodey:** you guys shouldve seen him after the kid passed out in the lab last week

 **Rhodey:** his blood sugar dropped because he wasn't keeping up with his metabolism, so tony made an whole ass meal plan. he texts the kid like every hour to make sure he eats something. im pretty sure he programmed the suit to tell him if peter goes longer than two hours without a snack break. 

 **Clint:** that sounds exactly like something he would do

 **Sam:** kid's got stark wrapped around his fingers, huh

 **Clint:** he's not the only one

 **Clint:** right, nat?

 **Nat:** i will kill you.

 **Nat:** but also if anything happened to peter i would kill everyone in this chat and then myself

 **Sam:** well that's...intense

 **Clint:** the worst part is, im not sure if she's joking

 **Nat:** sigh

 **Nat:** the kid would appreciate the reference. 

 **Tony:** hey everyone, peter's getting some much needed shut-eye in his room, so keep it down. kid's hearing is insanely good, and i murder whoever wakes him up. 

 **Nat:** and i'll help :)

 **Clint:**...okay, time to play the quiet game ig

* * *

 

 **Steve:** Tony, is Peter staying for dinner tonight? 

 **Tony:** no, he actually just left. happy's bringing him back to his aunt as we speak

 **Clint:** what?? we didnt even get to see him

 **Tony:** he'll be back in like two days birdbrain, youll survive

 **Tony:** jesus, and you talk about me being wrapped around his fingers. 

 **Rhodey:** face it tones, your kid is now our kid. collective.

 **Clint:** yep. turns out the avengers mascot is a spider child, since you wouldnt let us get a dog. 

 **Peter:** downgraded from recruit to mascot, huh

 **Peter:** or is it an upgrade? 

 **Rhodey:** oh, pete, you were always the mascot

 **Peter:** i feel insulted, im pretty sure ive just been insulted

 **Nat:** want me to kill him? (✿◉‿◉)

 **Peter:**...

 **Peter:** not yet

 **Tony:** no killing my best friend.

 **Rhodey:** oh, is it best friend again?

 **Tony:** only because you're about to die

 **Rhodey:** because i thought i was a "traitorous heathen who has been put at the very top of your shitlist" and that i better "watch my back"

 **Peter:** oof

 **Rhodey:** i distinctly remember that

 **Tony:** yeah and do you also remember stealing my goddamn garlic bread

 **Rhodey:** sure do...it was Delicious

 **Tony:** on second thought, kill him dead

 **Peter:** X'D

 **Steve:** I can make garlic bread and pasta for dinner tonight if it prevents anybody from being murdered.

 **Peter:** a saint

 **Tony:** no. its the principle of the thing, capsicle. rhodes has got to go

 **Peter:** o o f 

 **Sam:** well, it's been a pleasure rhodes

 **Clint:** hope the bread was worth it

 **Rhodey:** It Was

* * *

 **Nat:**  peter, are you awake?

 **Peter:** ya, is everything alright?

 **Nat:** No

 **Nat:** you should be asleep

 **Peter:** But you're the one who asked if i was up?

 **Nat:** to make sure you weren't. you need to sleep more.

 **Peter:** this is entrapment

 **Tony:** no, its nat being a responsible adult who cares about your wellbeing

 **Tony:** go tf to sleep spiderling

 **Peter:** ill try

 **Tony:** do or do not, there is no try

 **Peter:** omfgg :'D

 **Tony:** actually i lied, there's no do not either. go to sleep

 **Peter:** alright alright

 **Peter:** night, nat. night, tony.

 **Nat:** goodnight, little spider

 **Tony:** night kiddo

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Peter:** hey mr. stark are you busy today

 **Peter:** i mean you probably are and thats totally cool, nothings wrong or anything

 **Peter:** its just that may's going on a date and like im really okay with it because i really do want her to be happy, and besides, she's literally going out with Happy and i trust him but its just weird and i know im just going to get super anxious if im home alone just waiting on her to come back but ned and mj are both busy after practice today 

**Tony:** kid relax

 **Tony:** im not busy. ill pick you up and we can get some ice cream or something before hitting the lab. 

**Tony:** also THATs why happy took today off??

 **Peter:** yea. he asked me if i would be okay with it a few days ago-- said he really liked may but wouldnt do anything if i said no because he knows how important she is to me but like i already knew that she liked him and we'd talked about her dating before so i gave him my blessing or whatever

 **Peter:** i figured you knew

 **Tony:** i didnt. you're really okay with may dating happy? 

**Peter:** dont get me wrong, its weird as hell and will take some getting used to, but honestly? yeah. i do trust happy, and he's a good guy and all and ive seen him being all sappy and gross around may. she really likes him too, obviously, and i know may can take care of herself when it comes to dating and stuff

 **Peter:** plus he already knows that i can throw him through a wall if he does hurt her so theres that

 **Peter:** they both deserve to be happy (hah)

 **Tony:** that's really mature of you. you're a good kid, you know that?

 **Peter:** being okay with it is literally the least i can do,,,

 **Peter:** anyway practice gets out at four 

 **Tony:** i know

 **Peter:** you do?

 **Tony:** i might've memorized your school schedule on accident

 **Peter:** honestly? not the weirdest thing youve done.

 **Peter:** anyway thanks mr. stark. i'll see you at four?

 **Tony:** you bet. see you then, kid. 

* * *

 

 **Tony:** i want everyone to know that my kid is a dumbass

 **Tony:** like he's a certified genius, but he's a complete and utter idiot

 **Rhodey:** like mentor, like mentee 

 **Steve:** What happened?

 **** **Peter:** in my defense, it seemed like a good idea at the time

 **Tony:** in what world is intentionally creating spontaneously combusting webs a good idea??? What could you possibly ever use them for???

 **Peter:** listen

 **Peter:** i dont know

 **Peter:** but you gotta admit it was cool!!

 **Tony:** it would be downright impressive if you didn't get yourself caught on goddamn fire

 **Tony:** on that note, we're in the medbay now if anyone wants to come visit the spiderling

 **Rhodey:** i can get pepper to swing by and give him the lecture about lab safety

 **Peter:** oh no please dont

 **Tony:** thats a fantastic idea, since he doesn't seem to want to listen to me

 **Peter:** i learn by example, mr. stark.

 **Tony:** you're a little shit, you know that?

 **Peter:** like i said, i learned by example ;D

 **Rhodey:** sometimes i forget how much like you he is, tones

 **Sam:** you okay kid?

 **Peter:** psh yeah ive been burnt way worse before

 **Peter:** wait i take that back mr stark stop freaking out

 **Tony:** im not freaking out

 **Tony:** just trying to figure out how to make fireproof bubblewrap to wrap you up in

 **Rhodey:** i dont think he's joking, pete

 **Peter:** no yeah definitely not. 

 **Nat:** i approve

 **Tony:** may would like that too. we can keep you wrapped up until you're at least old enough to drink

 **Tony:** maybe longer

 **Peter:** or or or

 **Peter:** you can both accept that getting hurt is part of growing, and that without making mistakes, i'd never learn any lessons

 **Tony:** see, id buy that if i thought you were actually going to learn from this experience. but i know for a fact that next week you'll have moved on to trying to make something just as dangerous. 

 **Tony:** you literally just keep jumping right back into things every time you get hurt, with the same reckless abandon, and guess what? You get hurt again. And again. And you don't learn, Peter. 

 **Peter:** im sorry

 **Tony:** i dont want you to be sorry. i want you to be safe, pete. 

 **Sam:** that's been building up for a while, huh?

 **Tony:** yeah, it has

 **Tony:** sorry, kid, i didn't mean to snap like that. Just-- i hate seeing you get hurt.

 **Peter:** i know. i am sorry; ill try to be less reckless from now on

 **Tony:** that's all i can really ask for

 **Sam:** maybe you two should consider talking things out before it gets to a point where one of you snap? communication is key to life

 **Peter:** emotions give him hives

 **Tony:** No can do, emotions give me hives.

 **Tony:** hey!

 **Rhodey:** aw he knows you so well, tones

 **Rhodey:** also kid, i know happy's dating your aunt now, but im definitely still your favorite pseudo-uncle, right? 

 **Peter:** for sure. happy's way too grumpy :P

 **Peter:** dont tell him i said that 

 **Rhodey:** nope. im holding this over his head forever now. 

 **Peter:** :/ lol

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Steve:** Alright, everyone. I know today was supposed to be for relaxing, but a mission's come up. Come join me in the conference room, please. 

**Sam:** whats the mission? 

**Steve:** Come join me in the conference room, please.

**Peter:** !!! 

**Clint:** high-level, low-level? will we be back in time for dinner?

**Steve** : Come. join me. in the conference room. Please.

**Tony** : im busy just text us the details

**Steve:** Are you all serious right now?

**Tony:** as the plague

**Nat:** might as well just do it, cap. the two birdbrains are already gearing up and tony hasnt left his lab yet. 

**Bruce:** just to be clear, im assuming this isn't a mission you'll need the hulk on

**Steve:** No, it should be a simple job. We've got intel about a new Hydra base getting set-up right here in the city. It's possible that it's a trap, but either way, we need to shut it down ASAP.

**Nat:** any info on personnel?

**Steve:** So far, the base seems to be operating on a skeleton crew only. Probably two dozen grunts, should be no heavy-hitters. Everything goes right, and we'll be back in time for dinner. 

**Tony:** sounds like you dont need me then, great

**Steve:** Tony. 

**Tony:** Rogers. 

**Steve:** We need Iron Man on this. We don't know what the facility has in the way of weapons or tech.

**Tony:** fine. you heard him, pete, ill be back in time for dinner. dont set my lab on fire

**Peter:** wait what? 

**Peter:** im coming with you!

**Tony:** no you are not. 

**Peter:** why not??? cap literally just said it should be an easy one

**Tony:** easy for the avengers, kid. not for friendly neighborhood spiderlings. 

**Nat:** he also said that we dont know what hydra's packing in terms of weaponry. missions with limited intel like this can turn sour fast. 

**Tony:** thank you!

**Peter:** i dont get it. you offered to make me an avenger before, after i took down the vulture, but you keep benching me now. 

**Tony:** the plan was always to bench you until you'd gotten some proper damn training. 

**Peter:** I have been training! 

**Tony:** stop arguing. youre not coming on this one and that's final. 

**Peter:** what is it going to take for you to take me seriously?? its not like ive never done anything like this before. i've literally taken both sam and bucky down. i took down the vulture. 

**Tony:** and you nearly died doing it! this isnt up for debate peter! youre staying here, end of discussion

**Steve:** I'm with Tony and Natasha on this one. I'm sorry, Peter, but this mission is risky enough as is without any added liability. 

**Tony:** cant believe im saying this, kid, but caps right. theres too many unknowns as it is, we dont need to add another wildcard.

**Peter:** ...liability

**Steve:** That's not what I meant.

**Clint:** sorry little dude, maybe next time

**Peter:** yea whatever.

**Peter:** you guys be careful.

**Sam:** we will be. catch you later pete.

* * *

 

**Clint:** and we're back in time for dinner!

**Clint:** hey pete where u at. we ordered pizza

**FRIDAY:** Peter left the compound not long after you all left for the mission.

**Tony:** where the hell did he go

**FRIDAY:** Karen reports that he patrolled for several hours until he received notification from me that you have arrived home uninjured. He took the suit off eight minutes ago. 

**Clint:** oof

**Steve:** I hope he isn't too upset about us leaving him behind. 

**Sam:** i mean its not like its the first time thats happened tho. hes usually fine afterwards

**Clint:** its super weird for him not to be here to welcome us back like an over excited puppy 

**Sam:** yeah and normally he'd be glued to tony's side for the rest of the night after a mission

**Bruce:** their argument seemed more heated that usual, though. maybe peter just needed some time to cool down?

**Tony:** he ignored my call.

**Rhodey:** why didnt you just force the call through like usual?

**Tony:** i did. he shut off his phone the first time without saying anything. i tried remotely rebooting it but he mustve taken the battery out. 

**Clint:** ouch. that must sting

**Tony:** shut up

**Rhodey:** just give him some time, tones. you know how he gets when you two fight and dont make up immediately

**Rhodey:** its like the end of the world for him. just let him calm down a bit and im sure he'll call you back

**Sam:** and definitely apologize way too many times

**Tony:** sure

* * *

**Clint:** so pete still hasn't come back

**Steve:** He's missed two training sessions with me and three with Natasha. Is he alright?

**Sam:** he hasnt been active in the gc at all either...

**Tony:** hes sulking. 

**Sam:** what

**Clint:** is he really still upset about the mission? it isnt like peter to hold a grudge for so long

**Tony:**  i dont know what to tell you. he's a teenager. 

**Sam:** yeah, but hormones dont account for a complete 180 behavior-wise

**Sam:** is something else going on? 

**Sam:** Stark?

**Tony:** i dont fucking know. i benched him and he hasnt come back since. he's been patrolling more than usual and he ducks away every time happy shows up to pick him up from school

**Bruce:** im surprised you havent tracked him down in person yet

**Tony:** if he wants to act like a child about this, im not going to waste my time trying to convince him not to. 

**Rhodey:** tonys just hurt that peter's giving him the silent treatment but doesnt want to admit it

**Nat:** at this point, he's sort of giving us all the silent treatment. 

**Bruce:** I never thought I'd say this, but sam and clint are right. this doesnt seem like peter. we all know that he can barely go a day without talking to tony.

**Steve:** He's been banned from missions before without this level of response, as well. 

**Sam:** so whats different this time? 

**Clint:** you think we did something to upset him, besides not letting him tag along?

**Nat:** now that ive read the messages back

**Nat:** steve did call him a liability.

**Steve:** I didn't call him a liability. I simply said that the situation would be too unpredictable for somebody less experienced.

**Rhodey:** \--implying that you think he'd hold us back

**Steve:** I wasn't implying that!

**Rhodey:** maybe not, but you have to admit that it does kinda sound like that

**Clint:** oof. no wonder the kid's upset. 

**Nat:** that would explain the increased patrols, as well, if he's trying to prove to himself that he isnt a liability. 

**Sam:** we all know he has a guilt complex, right? like theres a 100% chance that hes spent the past two weeks wondering if he's been accidentally holding us back or putting us in danger

**Tony:** alright peter answer the damn phone

**Tony:** im serious

**Tony:** if you dont answer ill just have to call may instead

P **eter:** you cant threaten to tell may everytime i do something that you dont like, Mr. Stark. 

**Tony:** like hell i cant

**Steve:** That's not the point, Tony. Peter, I hope you know that I in no way meant to imply that you weren't a capable hero. That's certainly not true, and I'm deeply sorry if it came across that way. 

**Peter:** its fine. you werent wrong or anything. im not like the rest of you. 

**Sam:** that's not a bad thing

**Peter:** im not saying its bad. it just Is. im not an avenger, im not experienced or skilled enough to be anywhere near your level. its fine, i get that. 

**Nat:** thats true. youre not on our level yet. but thats why youve been training with us, peter. youre going to be better than all of us one day, just like tony always says. 

**Sam:** which means you should probably stop missing training sessions

**Peter:** about that. maybe you didnt mean to say it cap, but no one can deny it either-- im a liabilty to you guys. if i go on a mission with you and cant keep up, or i get hurt, then someone else has to put themself at more risk to pick up my slack

**Peter:** spider-man's pretty much always worked alone, and i think it should stay that way. that way no one is in danger because of me. and its not like a friendly neighborhood spider is ever gonna face worse than a few petty muggers or drug dealers anyway. 

**Rhodey:** or black-market arms dealers with alien weapons, remember?

**Peter:** ill give the suit back and everything, i just

**Peter:** i honestly cant handle the idea of anyone else getting hurt-- or killed because of me. 

**Sam:**  'anyone else'?

**Tony:** thats enough. peter, you're not giving the suit back. it's yours, regardless of whether or not you choose to eventually become an avenger. and no one here thinks that youre a liability. what we do is dangerous, we run the risk of getting hurt or worse everytime we go on one of these missions. we arent keeping you behind because we think you cant pull your own weight. none of us would be okay if we let you come with us and you got hurt.

**Peter:** why do you assume i'd get hurt? im not completely incapable. 

**Rhodey:** he's not saying you are, pete. 

**Peter:** Everytime you go on those stupid missions, i get left behind, mr. stark. i spend every second of that time alone wondering if you're going to come back hurt, or not at all. I just-- i wish you trusted me. the idea that you could be dying while im sitting at home doing nothing kills me, tony. 

**Peter:** i didnt save ben. i dont think i could handle it if i wasnt there and something happens to you. 

**Tony:** peter...

**Tony:** please answer the phone

* * *

**Rhodey:** so how'd that talk go with pete

**Tony:** ive got hives from all the emotions but we sorted everything out

**Peter:** im really sorry guys

**Tony:** nothing to be sorry for kiddo

**Clint:** we're just glad you worked it out. we miss ya

**Peter:** ive missed you guys too. im coming by this weekend

**Nat:** you've missed three training sessions and ignored all our calls. hope youre ready for me to kick your ass, peter parker

**Peter:** you say, as if you werent already kicking my ass on a regular basis

**Nat:** touche. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Peter:**  do you think anyone's ever actually been abducted by aliens?

**Peter:**  like everyone knows aliens are real but besides attacking new york, aliens dont seem all that interested in earth so..?

**Tony:**  why the hell are you awake at 3 in the morning

**Peter:**  I could ask you the same

**Tony:**  no. im the adult, and you have school in four hours

**Peter:**  im fine, ive run on less before

**Tony:**  see, that doesnt sound like you're 'fine'

**Tony:**  that sounds like you need to go tf to sleep

**Peter:**  i tried.

**Peter:**   insomnias a bitch 

**Tony:**  Pete

**Tony:**  buddy

**Tony:**  kid

**Tony:** you gotta tell me about things like this.

**Tony:** i thought we agreed last time that you'd tell me when you can't sleep 

**Peter:**  ik ik its just so stupid

**Peter:**  im so tired all the time because my stupid brain wont shut up

**Peter:**  and then when i do sleep its not even worth it because i keep having these stupid nightmares

**Tony:** wanna tell me about them?

**Peter:** i-- okay look, promise you wont freak out.

**Tony:** i dont freak out

**Peter:** yeah, you do. a lot. 

**Tony:** fine. i promise i'll keep my cool.

**Peter:** so i didnt really tell you about everything that happened at hoco. yknow, with the vulture. 

**Tony:** okay.

**Tony:** keeping my cool, not panicking. 

**Tony:** proceed. 

**Peter:** well uhhh, i told you that i used my phone to track toomes,, and followed him onto the plane,,, but uh, i actually confronted him before he'd gotten to the plane

**Peter:** we were in this big empty warehouse, lots of exposed support beams and stuff, and he was remotely controlling his wings and i thought he was trying to hit me so i kept dodging

**Tony:** oh god

**Peter:** but he was taking out the beams. the uhh

**Peter:** the roof came down on top of me,, and for a few minutes there i thought i was going to die

**Peter:** but i didnt! so i mean, that's pretty lit! and i'm totally fine now

**Peter:** except that i keep dreaming about it. sometimes it's not even me under the rubble, it's like, you or may or ned...sometimes it's ben. and theres more too, different dreams sometimes. me drowning, or trying to get to you or may but i can't move fast enough. Uh, things like that. 

**Tony:** i'm so sorry, peter

**Peter:** its fine, it's just a few bad dreams. ive had nightmares since i was eight, it's nbd honestly. 

**Tony:** it is a big deal. first off, i know i've said it before, but im sorry for everything that happened to you when you fought the vulture. I should've been there, i shouldn't have taken the suit.

**Peter:** but you were right to! i got in over my head and i was being reckless

**Tony:** and second, it's okay to admit that it's difficult for you to deal with

**Tony:** we all get nightmares-- every last one of us. theres a reason i go on lab benders and dont sleep for days at a time. its not healthy, and its not something i want for you, peter. 

**Tony:** you can talk to me any time, even in the middle of the night after a bad dream. i'll pick up for you. 

**Peter:** i-- thanks, tony. 

**Peter:** it's just a lot sometimes, but i honestly really appreciate you being here for me. 

**Tony:** dont mention it, kid

**Tony:** no, really, dont. i have a reputation to maintain

**Peter:** lol sure, mr stark.

**Tony:** wait no you just called me tony. you cant go back to mr stark now

**Peter:** i dont know what youre talking about, mr. stark. 

**Tony:** ridiculous. 

**Peter:** ;D 

**Peter:** okay, i guess i'll give this whole sleeping thing another try

**Tony:** sounds good, pete

**Tony:** remember, call me if you need to. i dont care what time it is. 

**Peter:** okay, mr. stark. goodnight <3

**Tony:** night kiddo

* * *

**FRIDAY:** Boss's heart rate is elevated and he is showing signs of distress. I recommend that Peter or Colonel Rhodes come down to the lab now. No one else will be allowed in.

**Peter:** ya im omw fri

**Rhodey:** me too

* * *

 

**Tony:** so my ai has hacked her way into the groupchat in order to betray me, thats fine

**FRIDAY:** I prefer to think of it as a loophole, boss. Something I picked up from Karen. 

**Peter:** i think its a good thing, mr stark. as much as you tell me to ask for help when i need it, youre really bad at following your own advice

**Rhodey:** kid's right tones. makes me feel better, at least, knowing that fri's taking care of you when we're not around

**FRIDAY:** Thank you Peter, Colonel Rhodes.

**Peter:** thank you, fri. 

**FRIDAY:** Of course. Boss's well-being is my highest priority.

**Tony:** ive never felt so betrayed and yet so protected in my life

**Peter:** look 

**Peter:** if karen can snitch to you when im having trouble, then its only right that friday tells us when you are. its okay to let us be here for you mr stark

**Tony:** im the adult here-- you shouldnt have to deal with my shit on top of your own. 

**Rhodey:** uh-huh. and so why wouldnt you call me, then? 

**Peter:** bullshit mr stark. 

**Rhodey:** ive been your friend for how long now, tones? id think we're past the 'burden' stage by now

**Peter:** mr stark youre literally family now and that means i get to worry about you just as much as you do about me. if you keep pretending like this whole caring thing only goes one way i will sic may on you

**Rhodey:** and ill get pepper and we will sit this down intervention-style, Anthony Edward Stark. dont think we wont

**Tony:** nope, interventions give me hives

**Rhodey:** emotions give you hives.

**Tony:** touche. 

**Tony:** if i promise not to stop friday from contacting you two if she thinks i need you, you two need to promise not to involve my scary fiance or my equally scary co-parent 

**Rhodey:** we'd prefer it if You'd call us when you need us.

**Peter:** but we can work on that. deal. 

**Rhodey:** deal. 

**FRIDAY:** Deal. 

**Tony:** great, now that that's settled, im going to be in the lab avoiding anything remotely emotional. see you all in a week.

**Rhodey:** how is that any different to what you were already doing

**Peter:** lol

**Peter:** love you mr stark

**FRIDAY:** Boss has had his finger over the send button for nearly five minutes now. His message reads: Love you too, kid.

**Tony:** betrayed by my own creation

**Tony:** ...love you too, kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, would it be better for you guys if i added timestamps to this? because i tend to imagine a fair amount of time passing between each conversation but ive kinda been hoping ive included enough context to get that across. lmk what yall think please :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Tony:** hey, pete

 **Peter:** hiya

 **Tony:** the team's been talking, and we came to a sort of arrangement regarding you coming along on missions

 **Peter:** okay, im listening. well, reading

 **Steve:** We've decided that you should be allowed on more missions; trying to protect you by leaving you behind isn't going to help anyone in the long run. 

 **Steve:** You're going to have to learn how to fight with the entire team, and so we've scheduled team training this weekend

 **Tony:** dont worry kid, already cleared it with may

 **Steve:** It's going to be very intensive, mostly focused on integrating your particular skills and fighting style while also teaching you strategy and formation. If, at the end of the weekend, the team all agrees that you're ready, then you'll be allowed on certain missions with us.

 **Tony:** not every mission, though. low-level stuff, to start with, and you can work your way up. 

 **Tony:** you're going to have to follow my orders to the letter on these missions. if i say retreat, you retreat. If you get injured, you tell me the moment that it happens. No trying to hide it, no trying to wait and play it off, and no if, ands, or buts about it.  

 **Peter:** i understand! i can do that!

 **Nat:** you're ready, little spider. all you have to do is prove it to the others.  

 **Peter:** i'll do my best, i promise

 **Nat:** we know you will. :)

 **Tony:** also, bear in mind that you wont be allowed on missions that interfere with school. and may obviously gets the final say in all of this; if i run a mission by her and she thinks its too dangerous, then thats that. 

 **Tony:** we both know there's nothing i could do to change her mind in that case anyway. 

 **Peter:** yeah, that sounds fair

 **Peter:** just, are you guys sure?

 **Steve:** Of course we are. 

 **Tony:** what gives kid? thought you'd be excited about this

 **Peter:** i am! i just...idk, i guess i dont want you guys to feel like you have to offer me a place just because i threw a fit last time

 **Peter:** its not going to happen again, one way or the other

 **Tony:** we talked about that, pete. it was an understandable reaction. 

 **Peter:** ig...

 **Peter:** anyway! training this weekend, huh?

 **Steve:** That's right. We'll be running through our usual training drills, which are more difficult than your usual regimen. 

 **Tony:** in other words, you're getting thrown in the avengers deep end. sink or swim, kid

 **Peter:** can't wait :D 

* * *

 **Tony:** hey kid

 **Tony:** maybe wanna stop hiding in the bathroom and come back out here?

 **Peter:** im actually okay, thanks

 **Tony:** trick question. come out before i have friday turn the sprinklers on in there

 **Peter:** just give me a minute

 **Peter:** please? 

 **Steve:** Is everything alright, Peter? 

 **Clint:** c'mon pete, training hasn't even started yet. 

 **Peter:** right, i just need a second to get my shit together okay

 **Peter:** jfc maybe im not ready for this if i cant even look at sam's stupid wings without freaking out

 **Tony:** that's what this is about?

 **Peter:** i should,,, ,i should go, right? we havent even started and im already sunk

 **Sam:** what's wrong with my wings??

 **Tony:** pete, kid, you shouldve said something

 **Tony:** jesus, I shouldve considered this

 **Peter:** its not your fault. i didnt think it'd bother me, it doesn't make sense

 **Sam:** am i the only one lost?

 **Clint:** no, me too

 **Rhodey:** this is about that guy who crashed your plane, right tones? the buzzard guy?

 **Peter:** the vulture...

 **Peter:** i just looked at sam and saw toomes trying to kill me again and i know it's stupid

 **Sam:** it's not stupid, peter, it's trauma. it's okay. 

 **Sam:** we've all been through some shit, and we can help you deal with yours. and until then, i can take the wings off. 

 **Steve:** Sam's right. We can postpone this training for now, try again at a later date.

 **Tony:** i have a better idea, actually. as per usual

 **Clint:** well dont leave us in suspense

 **Tony:** what if we held off on practice for today, and instead you and i can go down to the lab and take the wings apart

 **Tony:** i'll even show you the best way to disable them when theyre actually in use. 

 **Peter:** that sounds really cool, actually,,, but do you really think it will help?

 **Tony:** we dont know until we try. and if it doesnt, we'll figure something else out, kid. fixing problems is sort of what we do, after all.

 **Peter:** okay. yeah, sounds like a plan, then. meet you in the lab in five?

 **Tony:** sure thing

 **Sam:** on one hand, i want to protest letting you two explosion-magnets take apart my wings

 **Sam:** on the other hand, you're both literal geniuses

 **Sam:** so go at it, ig. i hope it helps

 **Peter:** :)

 **Peter:** thanks, sam

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just saw far from home and it was??? so good??? im not going to include any spoilers for it yet (i'll hold off until it's at least out of theatres) but i think eventually im going to have a chapter or two about it (AU, of course, mostly just reference certain events in it)


	13. Chapter 13

**Peter:** good news everyone!

 **Peter:** i survived!

 **Clint:** survived what?

 **Sam:** were we supposed to know you were in danger?

 **Sam:** peter?

 **Clint:** webs?

 **Tony:** kid i swear to all the gods--

 **Peter:** sorry! got distracted. busy patrol, yknow how it is. 

 **Peter:** actually its crazy how many muggings happen in just one borough. kinda makes me feel bad that i only patrol queens tbh

 **Tony:** we can address your guilt complex later; what did you survive, exactly?

 **Peter:** statistically speaking, i've survived everything that's happened to me

 **Tony:** peter

 **Peter:** but specifically, i was talking about midterms

 **Rhodey:** if anyone needs tones, he's currently in the kitchen talking to himself about "damn spider-brats" and "arachnid-induced heart attacks"

 **Rhodey:** pete you know he has a heart condition

 **Peter:** whoops, sorry

 **Peter:** but in my defense, i very clearly stated that i'm not dead upfront, so,,,

 **Tony:** "not dead" is not reassuring when it comes to you

 **Tony:** you have no self preservation whatsoever, seriously. 

 **Peter:** that's not true

 **Rhodey:** oh yes it is

 **Sam:** no, for once, stark's right

 **Tony:** remember when you got stabbed and thought you could do a patch job in your bathroom and go to school the next day? or have the countless concussions finally taken their toll on your memory?

 **Tony:** excuse me, 'for once'?

 **Peter:** rood

 **Tony:** but am i wrong

 **Peter:** youre right, but you shouldnt say it

 **Peter:** anyway, gotta swing. i think someone's getting mugged!

 **Tony:** he's going to kill me.

 **Clint:** hope your will is up to date

* * *

 **Steve:**  Is something burning?

 **Nat:** i smell it too

 **Rhodey:** FRIDAY would tell us if it was something to worry about

 **FRIDAY:** The Colonel is right, there is nothing to worry about. Boss started a minor electrical fire in the labs, but it has been duly extinguished. 

 **Nat:** oh boy

 **Rhodey:** by dum-e?

 **FRIDAY:** By Dum-E. I suspect you would find the security footage quite amusing. 

 **Tony:** dont you dare

 **Rhodey:** just try and stop me

 **Nat:** oh yes, i think we absolutely need to see that footage.

 **Tony:** FRI, do not show them the video under any circumstances.

 **FRIDAY:** Very well, boss. I suppose I should also not inform them of the fact that, if they were to make their way down to the lab, they would see you covered in firefighting foam? 

 **Tony:** yup, definitely dont tell them that

 **Steve:** Are you alright, Tony?

 **Tony:** peachy. 

 **Rhodey:** im on my way down, tones. need me to bring you a change of clothes?

 **Tony:** nah, ive got some down here. also, i charge per picture. 

 **Nat:** ew

 **Tony:** ;)

 **Nat:**.

 **Clint:** RIP tony

 **Rhodey:** wait isnt today lab day? is peter with you?

 **Tony:** normally he would be, but the kid had to cancel today. had a study group or something

 **Clint:** :(

 **Nat:** good that he's focusing on something important at least

 **Clint:** more important than hanging out with us???

 **Nat:** do i really need to answer that?

 **Clint:** :(((

 **Rhodey:** that's weird

 **Tony:** that barton's so upset about my kid not visiting? i agree

 **Rhodey:** no-- well yeah, that is weird, but i was talking about pete cancelling. you do remember the time he did an entire group project by himself because the only day his group could meet was on a lab day, right? 

 **Tony:** you think something's wrong

 **Rhodey:** i just think its a little suspicious. Dont you?

 **Tony:** well now i do

 **Tony:** @Karen anything i should know?

 **Karen:** Peter did cut his patrol short last night-- I suspect he's caught a cold.

 **Tony:** you suspect?

 **Rhodey:** "suspect"?

 **Karen:** He showed several symptoms of a common cold, including a sore throat, coughing, and a headache. At the time, he was not running a fever; however, he did not put his watch on after he removed the suit, so I have had no way to monitor his temperature since then. 

 **Tony:** where is he right now?

 **Karen:** Both the suit and Peter's cell phone are in his room at home. 

 **Rhodey:** so the kid just caught a cold and didnt want to admit that he's sick

 **Tony:** very on-brand. gimme a minute

* * *

**Direct Message: May Parker**

 

 **Tony:** how's the spider-kid doing?

 **May:** what? i thought today was lab day?

 **Tony:** it is. he cancelled, said he had a "study group"

 **May:** Let me guess, he stayed home and didn't tell either of us so we wouldnt worry about him

 **Tony:** got it in one

 **May:** anything serious? stab wound, broken leg?

 **Tony:** just a common cold according to his AI, but i haven't talked to him yet. wanted to see if he told you first. 

 **May:** that's weird. the last time peter was sick was before the whole spider-man thing-- he seemed pretty sure that he couldn't get sick anymore

 **Tony:** that's not reassuring. youre at work right now?

 **May:** yep. im gonna be stuck here until ten tonight, so if you don't mind keeping an eye on him...

 **Tony:** of course. do you mind me bringing him to the compound? i want him close to medbay in case this ends up being more serious than we think. i can send happy to pick you up after your shift, and you can both stay the night here.

 **May:** sounds good to me. let me know how he's doing. 

 **Tony:** will do.

* * *

 **Tony:** just talked to may. she's working, so i'm gonna pick the kid up. 

 **Tony:** @peter answer your phone

 **Rhodey:** maybe he's sleeping?

 **Tony:** probably. ive called twice with no luck. worst case, ive got a key to his apartment, i can just wake him up when i get there

 **Clint:** why do you have a key 

 **Tony:** his aunt gave it to me for situations exactly like this one. i'll be back soon, sick spider-baby in tow

 **Rhodey:** good luck

* * *

 **Peter:** wait mr stark im fine you dont have to come all the way out here

 **Tony:** funny thing, now i know you feel like hell

 **Peter:** i'm??? fine??? its just a cold

 **Tony:** yOuRe fInE 

 **Peter:** dont do that 

 **Tony:** yeah, felt weird just typing it 

 **Tony:** still it's not "just a cold", it's a cold that's affecting your enhanced immune system, remember?

 **Tony:** it could be a sign that there's something else wrong with you, and i'd rather know for sure that you're okay than risk it getting worse. 

 **Bruce:** tony has a point. if something's compromised your immune system and healing factor, we need to know what it is and how to fix it

 **Bruce:** speaking of which, i'll have both the lab and some chicken soup ready for when you two are back

 **Tony:** thanks brucey-bear

 **Peter:** you don't have to do that!!

 **Tony:** jesus kid, just let other people take care of you for once

 **Rhodey:** thats funny, coming from you tones

 **Tony:** do as i say, not as i do

 **Peter:** tiny grey area?

 **Tony:** exactly. 

 **Peter:** but seriously guys, i just need sleep and food and my healing factor will sort itself out. 

 **Tony:** and that's exactly what we're offering: food, sleep, and a state of the art medbay just in case

 **Tony:** i already told may i'm getting you, happy's gonna bring her to the compound when she gets off work. you're not getting out of this, spider-brat. 

 **Peter:** -_-

 **Tony:** that's what i thought. be there in five. 

* * *

 **Tony:** just a cold, he said.

 **Tony:** i'm fine, he said. 

 **Peter:** it really isnt that bad mr. stark

 **Rhodey:** i take it pete's sicker than he let on?

 **Tony:** you wanna tell them?

 **Peter:** not really,,,

 **Sam:** what's wrong? is peter okay?

 **Tony:** oh, sure, okay except for a mild case of pneumonia. 

 **Rhodey:** jesus. 

 **Tony:** apparently, he fell into the hudson on patrol. Again. And nearly drowned. Again. And didn't feel the need to tell anyone about it.

 **Rhodey:** Again??

 **Sam:** he fell in the river in this weather? don't you already have trouble staying warm, webhead?

 **Peter:** it wasnt my best moment

 **Tony:** no, really? because i thought maybe i'd put this one on the highlight reel. 

 **Peter:** i could do without the sarcasm, mr. stark.

 **Tony:** and i could do without you nearly dying every week.

 **Peter:** you're so dramatic

 **Clint:** if anyone's wondering, stark just dropped his phone and is taking extremely deep breaths. i think he's counting to thirty?

 **Clint:** ope, he's headed towards medbay. kid, run.

 **Bruce:** Absolutely not. Peter's on bedrest until I'm certain he's not going to overdo it and get worse. 

 **Peter:** ugh

 **Peter:** also if youre coming up here to yell at me, you cant. 

 **Tony:** and why not?

 **Peter** **:** because im sick

 **Tony:** and whos fault is that?

 **Peter:**...

 **Tony:** hm? 

 **Peter:**...mine?

 **Tony:** ding ding ding, we have a winner

 **Peter:** mr. staaark that's not helping. 

 **Peter:** i'm cold and sick,,,,,,be nice to me,,,,

 **Tony:**...fine. 

 **Tony:** hot chocolate?

 **Peter:** yes, please. Marshmallows?

 **Tony:** what am i, some sort of heathen? of course there'll be marshmallows

 **Peter:** wanna watch star trek with me? tng?

 **Tony:** yeah, sounds good. I'll bring some extra blankets up too.

 **Peter:** :-)

 **Clint:** i wanna watch star trek too

 **Peter:** you can! open invitation for anyone who wants to keep me company in medbay

 **Tony:** you'll just be spying from the vents anyway, might as well. 

 **Clint:** :D

 **Clint:** just witnessed nat ditch the captain mid-conversation after checking her phone

 **Nat:** can't miss star trek, now can i?

 **Clint:** sure, sure. it has nothing to do with the fact that youve been worried sick about pete or anything like that

 **Nat:**... that too. 

 **Peter:** awww, you were worried about me? 

 **Nat:** we were all worried.

 **Clint:** i wasnt

 **Sam:** what, me, worried about the spider-baby? nah.

 **Sam:** save me a seat for the star trek marathon though

 **Nat:** dont let them fool you

 **Peter:** aww you guys

 **Peter:** <3

 **Tony:** marathon's starting in fives minutes. be there or be square

 **Peter:** mr stark no one says that

 **Tony:** i just said it. pretty sure im the exact opposite of no one

 **Peter:** okay that's fair

 **Peter:** you know im pretty sure you could bring anything back into style if you did it in public

 **Peter:** you should bring back capes

 **Tony:** im not gonna do that

 **Peter:** why noooot

 **Tony:** because edna mode says so. 

 **Peter:** also a valid point

 **Peter:** what about mullets?

 **Tony:** definitely not

 **Sam:** why would you even want that brought back? 

 **Peter:** i dont, i just think itd be funny to see mr. stark with a mullet

 **Rhodey:** it isnt exactly a mullet, but i do have some college pictures that i bet you'd love to see...

 **Tony:** what did i ever do to deserve this

 **Rhodey:** so, so much. 

 **Peter:** i,,, need to see those pictures. after the marathon?

 **Tony:** no. i absolutely forbid it.

 **Rhodey:** definitely.

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh i hope you enjoy. if anybody wants to see something specific, i'll do my best to include it. also if you want me to add someone else, or maybe even make a separate gc for ned, mj, and peter, lmk.


End file.
